


This is a mess

by Pseudonymfox



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Mild Language, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 19:02:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18238976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pseudonymfox/pseuds/Pseudonymfox
Summary: After an surprising return from his former crush, Bucky has to make some choices and try fixing his bad decisions…





	This is a mess

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been a while but I decided to not rush everything I do just because I am so damn impatient. I am so out of this game haha pls be kind it’s been a while. Also let’s not talk abour Abort Mission cause I have it all played out in my mind. i am just scared to write it.

Waking up from a deep sleep Bucky turned over to his side seeing his girlfriend still sleeping. Her hair almost perfectly laying on the pillows, not a single strand is out of place. Almost like in some movie with the birds singing outside, the first sun streams shining through the blindfolds and lighting up her perfectly shaped face. Rose is her name. 

It was still fresh between the both of them and everything was going fine. To normal, to perfect. Like they have been together for 10 years already. It was supposed to be a one night stand after a bad day, a bad week, probably a bad month so he walked to the next bar and just wanted to get off some steam and forget about it, forget about the Avengers, the person that left but never left his mind than Rose showed up and just stuck to him, something Bucky never wanted but also didn’t wanted to lose. Maybe it was just that she showed up to the wrong time, it is a difficult situation that was for sure.

Slowly removing the blanket that laid over him, Bucky tiptoed with his clothes out of the room. Dressing himself and going back to the tower which wasn’t far away. She would understand why he left, that was always like this and she would be always so nice and respectful towards him. They didn’t had a fight or even an argument once in the months they already “dated”, if you could call it that. Nobody also knew about this, well besides Steve but he noticed that right away. Pinching the bridge of his nose all he wanted was know to get back to bed and maybe eat something before disappearing into his room for the rest of the day. 

The Elevator stopped midway to his stop, Steve appearing as the doors opened, his brows querking up as he saw his friend. 

“Well look who is it. How’s Rose doing?” Steve teased Bucky knowing exactly where he was because that was already the routine they went through.  

“Good. I was supposed to tell you that she wanted to meet up with you for something called..’Yoda’?” Bucky sighed out shrugging with his shoulders as he heard Steve chuckling out.

“Oh yeah Yoga..Listen I wanted to let you know that someone came in today” he turned serious and Bucky frowned turning to his side as Steve tried to avoid eye contact. 

“Who?” Bucky asked but before Steven could answer to his question the doors opened and like a scene started playing in his head turned to reality. (Y/N) came in sight, she was carrying a box that seemed to be a touch to full, breaking and all the belongings inside falling in front of feet to the ground. She angrily huffed out went to picked her stuff up. He didn’t even realise that he said her name out loud as her head snapped around, her lips forming a happy smile as she got up again and darted towards him. Steve patted his back let them have their little reunion. 

“Bucky!! It’s so good to see you. It’s been so so long. You have to tell me everything that happened, Steve told me Nat and Wanda are still on a mission so you gotta stick with me” she hugged him tight, with her arms around his neck so he could nuzzle his face into her neck, relaxing immediately and forgetting the rest of the world. What is main goal was since she left after she got promoted and put in charge of one the headquarters in europe. She still smelled like home to him reminding him on his first crush that he had on her after everything he went through. 

“Everything alright?” she asked worried and ran her hands through his hair just the way he liked it, making him puddy in her hands. 

“Yeah of course. I am just surprised to see you..that’s all.” He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy it for a bit longer but she pulled away and kissed his cheek, something she always did after a hug. 

“God yeah.. I can’t believe it either. Sorry I didn’t had the chance to call as often as I wanted to. How are things here? Did something else happened here? Something interesting to know about?” she looked deeply into his eyes and he got almost lost in her eyes. Oh how much he missed her but he couldn’t bring himself to it to tell her about Rose. If it was something he would never expect than it was him being insecure or scared about telling you about his huge crush but things just changed and so did Bucky would he have been the old charming 40’s Bucky he would for sure not have a chance with you, the way you are you would have called him asshole probably. Well much to his dismay you’re main reason to come back was because of Bucky but of course you didn’t had anyone know that. 

“No same old, same old. You didn’t miss anything. How long you are staying?” he lied and quickly changed the subject. 

“Forever. I won’t go again. I just couldn’t do it over there. I missed you way to much” she confessed  blushing and he couldn’t believe the words that left her lips.

“- Steve’s captain behaviour, Sam’s stupid jokes, Tony well just him general..You, our movie nights..just all of that” she got on and Bucky gulped down heavily, to good to be true. 

“Good to have you back (Y/N)! I’ll help you unpack” Bucky said and she thanked him, walking out of sight with the first box. 

“Thank you Buck the rest is still in the garage” she called over her shoulder and he went to the elevator with a grin plastered over his face, his exhaustion just flew out of the window and his thoughts replaced with daydreams just like she never left and as the doors opened Rose walked out almost stumbling into him. 

“Oh hey I was looking for Steve. He’s late again. How are you Babe?” she kissed him but he couldn’t respond or even return the kiss. This day must be cursed. 

“Hey Buck!” he heard you call out and Bucky praced forcefully onto the elevator button for it to open, shoving Rose into it. “Steve is downstairs waiting for you. See ya later” he kissed her cheek and pressed on the floor, not even looking which one it was.

“Who was that?” she said but Bucky stood in front of the elevator and shook his head innocently. 

“Nat just came back. Steve is waiting isn’t he? Have fun” he waved as the doors slowly closed and they shot each other a quick smile. What just happened he thought to himself as he turned to you again changing his anxious expression to a grin.

“How about Lunch? We have some catching up do. The boxes can wait” (Y/N) linked her arm with his and pressed the elevator floor again.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked as they waited for the elevator to come back up again, kinda hoping that Steve and Rose are gone. He felt like a asshole with whatever he is doing right now. 

“Only a few things” she winked at him and went into the elevator. 

“No..I-I mean like food? What did you think I was talking about?” he grinned, slightly confused. Not taking his eyes off her even tho Bucky blushed for sure hard.

“Nothing. I know you like this Pizza store a few blocks from here. Is that still there?” She always knew what he liked, what he wanted or sometimes what he thought.

“Yes it is, good idea haven’t been there since forever”

Nope he was there yesterday, why did he say that? They both stepped out and he immediately heard and mostly saw his tall figure sticking out from the rest, Steve with obviously Rose by his side. His heartbeat increased and quickly looked for an escape. 

“Look (Y/N). Remember Stan our delivery guy. You must haven’t seen each other yet.” he turned her towards the post delivery guy who was always so nice and talked a lot with (Y/N) who was always up for long talks. 

“Oh yeah wow hold on a sec’..Hey Stan!!” she said making her way to the other side and he turned quickly towards Steve nodding him away for a private conversation. Away from both of them. 

“What are you doing?” Steve looked straight through him noticing his weird behaviour. 

“You gotta keep Rose as far away from (Y/N) for the rest of...well our lives probably”

“Buck...No, don’t do this. You gotta introduce Rose to her no matter how much you try to hide her. I know you good enough by now” He crossed his arm, turning on his lecturing mode. Of course he knew that he can’t keep doing this but it had to be this way until he was sure what to do. 

“Please save it, I know it by know. How am I even supposed to do this now? ‘hey Rose this is (Y/N) the love of my life. Oh and (Y/N) this is Rose who I also like and is my distraction from you after you left and broke my heart” he threw him back a look and whispered-yelled at him. 

“Bucky. do you listen to yourself?” Steve replied shaking his head at him. 

“Just do it Stevie, please.” he pointed at him and turned away making a b-line straight to you.

 

Already on a walk through the park after the delicious pizza you talked for a bit, enjoying the outside and each other. Bucky noticed that nothing has to be perfect, he liked it how it is. You had your insecurities, both of you had arguments about the most stupid stuff, just now you tripped twice and both times let your ice cream fall. He knew now that it might be stupid to break that up with perfect Rose but he didn’t want anything perfect, he liked every insecurity from you and that you indeed had your bad days. It might hunt him forever to break this girls heart and maybe that won’t work out with you but he will be damned if he didn’t try it. Bucky wanted the mess that you are. One your way back to the tower, dark clouds started to form and it rained and didn’t stopped but neither of you could care less. You got completely drained and he was for sure that you would get sick but seeing you this happy while literally jumping through the puddles. Your makeup running down your face looking like you got out of a bad relationship. But it was worth to do so. Why not for once enjoying things like this instead of being angry about everything that it is put in your way. 

“So we definitely have to get changed but we could maybe pick up some boxes on our way up before I hear Tony stumbling over them and getting moody again” you let him know, wringing your hair and clothes out a bit so you wouldn’t leave a trail of water behind you. 

“Really good idea. I had to listen to that way to often. Good thing you’re back, might be the only one that could handle Tony in this state” he laughed out letting his mind wander off.

“For sure. I haven’t even seen him yet. Let’s see how he will react” After you got two or three boxes you made it back upstairs and moved them all in your room which surprisingly still looked very much the same. Nothing was moved or touched, it was also very clean which you don’t even remember leaving it like this. 

Three knocks let you flinch up a bit as you got a little to lost in packing your stuff out again. It felt so good so to be home. Just the smell and having friends or you could say family right besides you was everything you’ve ever wanted no matter how much you could loose your nerves sometimes.

“Come in” you shouted from your positions between the mess you’ve created, still in your fluffy bathrobe that you forgot here all these months ago and also missed really badly. 

“It’s me. I thought maybe you needed a little bit help packing things out” Bucky suggested sticking his head through the doorway.   
“How nice of you. Of course, let me get a bottle of-”before you finished your sentence Bucky already came through the door with what you really wanted know. One of Tony’s not so expensive wines, after you once accidently drank one of the ‘good one’ and wouldn’t want to repeat this after you saw Tony’s head almost exploding from anger. 

“You know me to well Bucky” you smirked and made some space besides you petting the carpet for him to sit down. 

“Of course I do..so where do you wanna start doll” Bucky said taking a look around the room, boxes all differently labeled but not with Shoes or clothes. Not it was with countries, states and cities you must have been to, Spain, Paris, Rome, Croatia, Russia and even Bucharest, he had for sure a few good memory and bad about Romania.

“Just grab a box and let’s get started because I think we will have a long night ahead of us” you told him grabbing the Paris one while Bucky chose right away the Bucharest one. You shouldn’t have packed the boxes while being so excited to get back it was even a mess inside of the boxes. You just hoped there wasn’t anything embarrassing in one of those boxes that could get into Bucky’s hands or worse Sam’s, who always found a way to find everything about anyone out. The teasing would never stop.

“Wait why is here a gift with my name on it?” He suddenly said as he pulled out the small wrapped box that laid in there and you totally didn’t forget about. 

“Uhm right, I forgot I got some presents for you because sometimes this random stuff reminded me of you guys. That’s is honestly a bit more seriously because I found in the archive a box with your belongings from your apartment in Bucharest and well I thought they belonged to you..obviously and I didn’t look any further into that. Don’t worry” you said and tried to fish out his present from rome, the rather not so serious one. Bucky just stared back and forth from the box and you, speechless that you did that for him which also could for sure cost you your job. 

“That is what I believe I picked up the second I landed. So I know you will love this but also probably won’t wear outside your room” you handed him the second one and chuckled a bit which died down as you saw his straight face just looking at you.

“-What don’t you like it? Was this to much.. I-I should have thought more about this.” you face palmed yourself but he stopped you with a gentle touch on your shoulder, his hand then running down your back, but not to far obviously. 

“No no I am just speechless (Y/N)..that’s it. Thank you so much. I appreciate this a lot” Bucky said with all of his honesty and reached out to you, hugging you so long he was sure you knew that he deeply meant it. After this beautiful moment you entangled yourself from his arms but stayed still not far away from his face, just looking into each other eyes, your hot breath hitting each others skin. The perfect moment to kiss and you leaned in first already imagining his soft lips against yours moving in unison and fulfilling a dream you both shared. His hands still gripping your side while you were toying with the end of his long hair you always loved so much, especially after you braid it a few times so it would fall into these gentle locks the next day which you adored even more. You Nose started to tickle and suddenly you ruined this wonderful moment. Sneezing but thankfully not in his face.  Turning away you felt the heat rushing into your face making you for sure look like a cherry. 

“Sorry” you mumbled, to embarrassed to look back up. 

“I knew you would get sick the second you jumped into this puddle. We should take a break for today and finish this tomorrow” he laughed nervously, standing up while stuttering over his words and escaping from this weird situation. 

As you heard the door close and steps going further down the hallways you sighed out loud.    
“You are such a dumbass (Y/N)” you told yourself standing up and going straight to bed in hope you would forget this very last part of your day. 

Bucky had also a restless night. Just staring at the ceiling with his hands behind his head and his mind plaguing him with thoughts he shouldn’t be even thinking. 

_ Why didn’t you kiss her? Isn’t that what you wanted all along? What the ever living fuck Barnes? You have a girlfriend! _

Even before the sun rises again he jumped out of his bed to run a few miles. Clear his head. Get out and forget it or more like think it over, considering that the last time he wanted to forget he got a girlfriend. 

It actually helped, all the people, the fresh cold air, the music blasting through his earphones and the day beginning, like a fresh start. 

“Someone seemed to have a good rest. Can’t sleep in your own bed anymore (Y/L/N)?” Steven greeted you as you dragged yourself into the kitchen in need for a strong coffee. A blanket draped around you, your hair in a messy bun on top of your head. To sum this all up you also felt the way you looked. A mess. Not like you weren’t already one.

“No it wasn’t that. Something happened last night and well..I just didn’t get much sleep” you tried to keep it short not wanting to throw him into this. In case he was uncomfortable talking about this, Steve is one of your best friends but well some things should be kept private especially if it’s about Bucky, his best friend. The “Girly” talk was probably more something what for Wanda, she loved to brag about stuff like this.

“Oh no. What did Bucky do? I told him to tell you about it before I had to do it..” Steve rolled his eyes and dropped his newspaper dramatically, the only one who would still read newspaper along with Bucky and they get constantly teased about it. 

“How do you know it was him?” you questioned and turned your attention fully towards him. his eyes wandering away as he gulped down and tried to get his attention back to something else. 

“Because..well you’ve spent the last..day..mostly together” he hesitated told you and sipped way to long on his drink. Something was going on, you just had to figure out what. Most importantly because Steve was lying and he needed a damn good reason for him to do so Mister-Golden-Boy-Dorito-looking-granpa never lied, never good enough. 

“You are still the worst liar. What is going on Steven?” You were the one of the only few ones on the team with no special powers but they could get easily get scared of you. With the sweat starting to form on his forehead he folded his newspaper back into place and took his mug, starting to walk away as you narrowed your eyes at him and leaning slightly towards him.

“Sorry (Y/N) I am going to be late..”He only called out making quick steps to the hallway. 

“I will find you Rogers! You can’t hide from me” you shouted back and grabbed your coffee to make your way back to your room, catching up on sleep or just doing something to shut your head off for a little bit.

After an angry call from Steve, Bucky decided to break it off with Rose and also tell you about his relationship with her. Instead of walking back home he continued his run right to Rose apartment and he got there all sweaty even tho he didn’t care much, it just had to be done now or it won’t happen at all until you would found out yourself or Steve would tell you or Rose would find out, there were a lot of possibilities for this end up. As a decent amount of time has passed standing in front that door Bucky brought his hand up and knocked a couple of times. Voices came from inside that toned down as he knocked, one of those possibilities that run through his mind just came reality he thought right before Rose opened the door in a swift motion smiling brightly with a sparkle in her eyes as she saw who it was and he smiled too but that fell down as the door further opened and a slightly older couple sat on the couch looking at him just as brightly. 

“Bucky finally! I was starting to worry. You haven’t answered my texts or calls. I wanted to tell you but well that are my parents. They took an earlier flight to surprise us!” Rose told him taking his hand into hers to take him inside to greet her parents as all what Bucky could hear afterwards was glass shattering in his mind or a long silent tone like he got disconnected from reality. This couldn’t be real. This was starting to turn serious, way to serious! 

Just as he wanted to break up with her because he still had feelings for someone else her parents had to of course show up!!   
“Nice to meet you.” he shook both of their hands and decided to just play along and take this as his punishment from karma. 

“Nice handshake. I like him Rosie” her father chuckled. 

“She told us so much about you. I am really happy that she finally found the one!” she laughed and got quickly cut off by Rose, thankfully before Bucky’s jaw would fall to the ground.

“Mom!! I thought we talked about this?”she blushed and he had to excuse himself as he got a phone call from who else could it be. (Y/N).

“Hey what’s up?” he closed the kitchen door behind him to get some privacy. The thought of jumping out of the window became a better idea from second to second. 

“Tony is back and he decided to throw a party today. The rest of the team might come back today too so he thought he has a reason now to throw a party which he never really did but..sorry anyway I wanted to ask if you wanted to come too?” you stopped shortly and he had to chuckle as he practically heard you facepalm yourself. 

“Not like you wouldn’t come..I- I mean you live here but like..I mean like a date?” you added, on the other line already biting your lips so hard it was for sure bleeding and blushing too as you pace up and down in front of the couch as Tony watched you who just talked you into this after a long talk with him.

“Uh sure. Of course. I would love to” he frowned and looked through the small window seeing Rose giving him thumbs up. That turned to the rom-com movies he hated so much way faster than expected. This was just really fucked up and it’s to late to turn around. 

“Ok I’ll send you the details.” you breathed out like a pressure was taking off of you and hung up again. It was time to get going to make the most out of yourself with a new dress and there were still so many errands to run but it was worth it since you after all this time did something you were so scared for. A date with Bucky Barnes. Who would have thought.

After the parents of Rose luckily made their way back to their hotel again after a way to long talk, Bucky wanted to disappear just fast to get to the party. The only thing right now on his mind besides you. The sun setting already broke a sweat in him and as he excused himself from her she stopped him at the doorway with a kiss and a last sentence that let shivers run down his back. 

“Goodbye hun. See you at the Party!”

Oh no.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback appreciated


End file.
